Monday, January 9, 2012

Dreams of a wanna-be mother

My arms ache to hold my little one tonight.

I just woke from the best and worst dream of my life. In the dream, I was filled with pure elation to find out that my baby had been born. In the next minute, I could hear my baby crying and knew that he/she was lying on the living room floor and cold. I jumped to grab a blanket and soothe my baby. Somehow, I couldn't reach my living room or my child and that's when I woke up with a loud sob. Fifteen minutes later, I am still clutching at this poignant ache in my heart that will not release me. Such a curious thing, motherhood is. It has gone and changed every aspect of my life and I am so intoxicated by it.

I'm sure this wretched dream was brought on by a lovely amalgamation of hormones and my constant fear that I'm going to fail as a mother. I am, however, finding some comfort in this song and baby hiccuping in the cutest way right now.


1 comment:

  1. You are sure to be a wonderful mom! When Ava was in her first 2 months, I often found myself half dreaming and half awake and doing strange things--I would try to pick up the pillow on my bed as if it was her (she slept in a crib in our room for the first 2-ish months) and then freaking out because I thought I squashed her (because the pillow was too soft). It was always a relief to fully wake up a minute after and realize she was still in her bed, asleep.(: I'm sure you will have such a wonderful time with your baby when he/she arrives!