Thursday, January 19, 2012

I would like to file a complaint

Dear house,

I'm seriously considering moving out this week, despite our contract not ending for another few weeks. Your walls keep shrinking and expanding on me and I don't think it is the fluctuating humidity. Every time you decide to recoil, I have to stretch out to make sure the walls don't collapse. I occasionally hear this loud "OW" sound coming from the roof when this happens. There's also this obnoxious neighbor who is constantly talking to my walls. I just try to ignore him, especially when I hear him making kissy sounds. When I first took up a residency in this dwelling, it was plenty warm and spacious to my liking. Now, however, it has become quite stuffy and incommodious. If it weren't for the multitude of peanut butter sandwiches coming my way here, I would have moved out last week. I'm just going to keep kicking and stretching out until you decide to stretch with me.

Sincerely,

Your extremely adorable tenant

1 comment:

  1. Haha, poor tenant! Everything it's so hard for her aaaalllllll the time... If only someone would sacrifice a little for her.

    ReplyDelete