Saturday, July 28, 2012

consider the sheep

Last night our family of three attended a beautiful wedding in Manti, Utah.

While our baby slept in the backseat, Paul and I sang to the Mamas & the Papas and watched beautiful country roads lined with old farm houses fly by. I loved the pastures full of sheep and despite being late to the wedding, Paul pulled over and let me whip out my camera a few times.  

We drove by many herds of sheep and I couldn't help but hum my favorite song by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir - Consider the Lilies and think of my own sweet Lily. The lyrics say:

"Consider the sheep of His fold,
How they follow where he leads.
Though the path may wind across the mountains,
He knows the meadows where they feed.

He clothes the lilies of the field.
He feeds the birds in the sky,
and he will feed those who trust him,
and guide them with His eye."

I've been dealing with some not-so-fun postpartum stuff. At times, I really question God about his decision to entrust one of his precious daughters to me. Sometimes being a mother is more than I can handle. Sometimes at night, I cry along with Lily and wonder how people can do this with more than one child.  I feel so useless. Some days she doesn't get a bath, she has a diaper rash, and is screaming for more food and I am tearing out my hair trying to balance it all. Getting "me" time has been crucial. I'm grateful to have a husband who works all day only to come home to a messy house, a crying baby, and an exhausted mama, only to take our baby and play with her while I rest. I could not do this alone. I understand why Heavenly Father commands us to be married first. It's to ease our load, to give us a shoulder to cry on, and a partner to help us back on our feet when we stumble. My path is currently winding across the mountains, but I have a companion who holds my hand (or my hoof, ha!)  and helps to lead the way. I thank God daily for my husband. 

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