rough night

We had a rough night last night. 

I seem to have a lot of those lately.

I don't know if it's the rice cereal I've been mixing into her milk before bedtime, her stuffy nose, or the heat, but my baby will not go to and stay asleep. It's to the point where I'm feeling utterly helpless and sobbing into my pillow right along with her. I never expected to feel so forlorn over this. I had heard stories of new parents with tired eyes and heavy hearts, but never did I expect that it would affect me so intimately. The frustration, the tears, the guilt at feeling frustrated... it's a lovely amalgamation of emotion and incongruence.

It's always the morning after a difficult night that I roll over and look at my sleeping baby - how her eyelashes rest on her chubby cheeks, how her little mouth opens at the cutest angle, how soundly she is asleep, and I am calmed.

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