It's been a couple of weeks since I've had the desire to write.
Balancing my life has become difficult.
Being a student, a mama, selling on etsy, keeping the house livably clean...
sometimes I forget that this is life.
Some days are burdened with dirty laundry and teething babies.
Others are ripe with family outings and lemon cheesecake.
On Easter Sunday, I stumbled upon a trouvaille of a realization.
The mamarazzi side of me had reared its ugly head.
I was frustrated with Lily because she wouldn't look at the camera.
All I wanted was one shot of her smiling in her new Easter dress.
After half an hour of "LILY, LOOK. LOOK AT THE BLEEDING CAMERA",
I was sweaty, frustrated, and cursing her aversion to look at me.
We had friends over for Easter dinner and they were looking at me like, yep, she's lost it.
Feeling defeated and embarrassed, it clunked into my peabrain that instead of watching my hobbit frolic in the grass, I had been peering at her through a tiny lens and completely missed the enjoyment of watching her hunt Easter eggs.
I had been present, but I had missed her first Easter egg hunt.
I do sentimental things like write down every single tiny milestone (Lily picked her first flower! Lily gave her first friend a hug!) yet stupid me had missed the cute innocence of her first Easter egg hunt.
The rest of the evening, guilt flooded my heart and I felt utterly foolish.
How often do I do this? How many things have I missed because I was more concerned about capturing the moment on film than actually enjoying it?
So, I'm putting away the camera for awhile.
It doesn't matter.
When Lily is an adult, I want her to remember her mama romping around with her and being involved rather than just a hidden face behind a camera lens.