motherhood

I still remember sitting in my mom's bathroom, in awe at the little stick I was holding that read 'pregnant'. Paul was driving through Canada at the time, on his way to Alaska. After I told him, he breathed heavily into the phone for a minute before uttering a blasé, "cool." Once it sunk in a little, he got really excited. That night, I wrote my first letter to Lily. My heart felt so full that first night. It has only grown fuller as she has grown. Every little milestone, every cry for her mama, every giggle... each moment is a tiny drop that drips into my overflowing cup. Being a mother is the most beautiful thing I've ever done in my life. The world has muddied the importance of mothers, but I know that the work I am doing is eternal. I am reminded of this every night as I watch my hobbit's fluffy hair rock back and forth with the movement of the rocking chair. I see it in the shadows cast from her long eyelashes in the moonlight. I feel it in my heart when little arms find their way around my neck and a kiss is planted in my hair with a muffled "MUAH!"

I learned how to love from my own mama. Some mothers are the best at cooking. Others are the best at math. Mine is the best at loving. She always let me sleep in her bed when I was scared (which was often). She's still the first person I call when I'm upset or need someone to listen to the pickle I've gotten myself into. Despite all the hardships she's endured in this life, my mama never failed at loving me. She learned it from her own mama who learned it from hers. The women in my family know how to love better than just about anything. I remember being a little girl and visiting my Great-Grandma Aggie in Levelland, Texas. She would get up in the middle of the night just to make sure that I was warm. I would wake up in the morning to two extra blankets placed on me than what I had gone to sleep with. She would sneak bon-bons to me before supper. Her daughter, my Meme, taught me how to unconditionally serve others. She made my bed every morning and stayed up late to help me with my homework. Meme's sister, my aunt Christie, taught me how to be kind. She always had an open and understanding ear for me to talk to. She spoke to me like I was important and never made me feel inferior. I've tried my best to apply all of the things I learned from these women in my own life and I've been immensely blessed because of it.

My grandmother (Meme) playing with my mom

My mom, around the age of two